Also...today is my wonderful mom's bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADRE! i love you!!! :D
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Blah
Have you ever just felt like crying? Like you just start crying just because?? Well...i feel like that. even more so today. I put this happy front up and I am over all happy. I mean...i really don't have much to complain about and there are many more people out there that are worse off than me so I really shouldn't even complain about anything. But..i just feel like something is missing. like really missing. idk what it is. obviously..bc if i did...i would have found it already and i wouldn't be feeling like this. lol. But...i just have to keep thinking that God does have a plan for me. And this is part of it so I just have to be patient. I know what the cause of this blahness is though but I can't do anything about it so there's no point for me to even dwell on it. I just have to move on but I'm having a difficult time doing that esp since I know that someone is having a so much better time without me. I don't even know why I care bc he doesnt stop to even think about how I am doing, but it just sucks! I want to stop feeling like this. Its like sometimes I have my high moments when I'm like...damn...I'm not missing anything, but then I have low moments like this where I feel like crap. I just feel like...whats wrong with me? You know...I feel like I have everything going for me and I'm a positive happy, caring person who would do anything for the people she loves, yet I feel like I'm not good enough. Its something I have to get over. I'm just tired of wasting my time on this. Its been...over a month anne...GET OVER IT! I'm trying the best I can though. It doesn't help that its such a gloomy day and I'm listening to depressing love songs. haha. Okay...I'm going to get undepressed and catch up on my Hawthorne shows.
On a happy note...I made these delicious cup cakes. Red velvet with stawberries in it and cream cheese frosting topped with a delicious strawberry! hmmm...YUM!
Also...today is my wonderful mom's bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADRE! i love you!!! :D
Also...today is my wonderful mom's bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADRE! i love you!!! :D
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
do we have to have a title for each post?? lol
so...i havent written in a while. and since i can't sleep due to construction workers banging away next door in the early hours of the morning...i will blog. and it sucks bc im sleepy and i havent had a chance to sleep in :/
A lot has happened the last 2 weeks. well...i can't remember if i started this blog before or after my jax trip. oh well. i went to jacksonville 2 weekends ago. i miss it oh so much. im not really missing the city (although i do like jax) but im missing the people. i actually went to see my bff graduate from college!!! im so proud of her. she made the nursing honor society AND she got the highest honors in COLLEGE! thats amazing! :) But, it was a very fun weekend. we went to one of my friend's lake house and hung out there for the afternoon then drove back to jax to go to this bar downtown. on the way to jax (bc the lake house is an hour away) i knocked out...prob shouldnt of had the last few shots. lol. BUT...apparently when i was sleeping...one of my friends THREW UP in my car!!! yes...threw up! im like...damn...u cant roll the window down or something OR tell us to pull over. haha. its all good tho but i didnt know about it till the morning after when i saw the remains on the side of my door :( I also got to see my bff Amanda on the way back to tampa. i stopped by daytona and caught up. we ate at this amazing sushi place...edemames (spl). OMG...soooo freaking good. Amanda has a food blog...if anyone is reading this...u should follow her. it was very good seeing her and her fiance for the afternoon and of course stuffing my face!!! haha
so...my week pretty much consists of work. and i honestly can say that i love my job!!! :D but...trust me...it is NOT easy! I bust my ass everyday. running around like a mad women. Im still orienting and next week will be my last week. This week was really really busy tho. apparently there was a code on monday and i wasnt working!! my co-workers were telling me about it. OMG...i have never experienced a code and I hope i never have to. its sooo scary. the day i worked...we had to call rapid response and that was scary! rapid response is called if there is a change in a person's condition. like they try to get to the pt before he codes or prevent their condition from getting worse. all u see is people running from every direction. its crazy. the team goes into the room. i was watching and was asked to get supplies. they asked me to get electrodes for the EKG machine and im like...AHH I DONT KNOW WHERE THAT IS!!!! so...im running around asking people where they are...trying to find them as quick as i can. i finally found them tho. BUT...so crazy! if it was my pt. i would have freaked out! lord...please please don't let me experience a code. i know that i will eventually. its part of the job but i can hope. lol.
thats the crazy thing about being in the medical field. you have people's lives in your hands and that is scary. you have to be careful and constantly question yourself. at times you have to make split second decisions and sometimes u just don't know what to do but u have to make the decisions anyway. i think that kind of responsibility is terrifying. you could kill someone like that. thats why i ask like a million questions at work. i dont care if people get annoyed. i would rather have someone be annoyed than me killing someone. but...i am really glad that my first job is at the job i have now. the staff including the doctors are awesome! they are willing to help me 100%. my preceptor is great too. she goes above and beyond to make sure i learn everything. within just 3 weeks of working there...i am more comfortable with the job and im getting a routine down. just think...in one year...i'll be an expert. HAHA. not exactly but i'll be that much better :)
last night at work was crazy..more crazy than usual. i had 6 patients plus a discharge and a new admission. the admission didn't come till almost 6 and theres so much paperwork involved and the hardest part is the freaking computer system and trying to figure out how to use it. but...i didn't get to chart all day so i was at work charting after my admission till 1030. a long 15 and a half hours of work...lovely! if we could just take care of the patients and minus the charting...i would be so much happier. but...my computer decided to break last night in the middle of my documentation and then i got locked out of the computer. so...i had to call the IT people and they unlocked me but then my computer froze and i had to switch and start my charting on that one patient all over again. i hate computers!!! lol. but on a good note...one of my patients wanted to tell my supervisor that she thought the care i gave her was great and that i was going to be an amazing nurse!!! :))))) i was like beaming inside! it made me feel really good and this is why i love my job bc of the people who appreciate you. and the people who don't show their appreciation so much (which are some pts)....u just gotta think about it this way. even if you are annoyed...just think about what they are going through. they are sick in a hospital bed all day, not being able to sleep bc of all the monitors and hospital noises, terrible hospital food (although i do love hospital food for some reason haha), and not being able to see their loved ones all the time and living their normal everyday life. i would be grumpy sometimes too. im not saying thats an excuse but if you think of it like that...it kinda helps u deal with them.
something that does bother me tho about being in the medical field is the politics. like...if you have money or ur high in the ranks...u get VIP treatment. not saying this happened on my floor but it happens all the time. i dont think its fair. i try to give each one of my patients VIP treatment. i mean...money should not designate the quality of your care. its not fair but it happens all the time. not just with the medical field but in every job. i love this show...royal pains. the main doctor on there got fired from his hospital job bc he thought that a teenager was in a worse state than the CEO of the hospital so he decided to help the teenager first and unfortunately the CEO died so the doctor got fired. see...thats not fair. in the ER...thats what ur suppose to do...triage the patients. well...politics gets in the way of that. politics gets in the way of everything. thats why i try to stay out of all that. i just do what im suppose to do...im not kissing anyone's butts. lol.
so...last night i finally got to talk to my bffl lesley. i love this girl so much! no homo! haha. no...she's the best friend anyone could ever ask for. im so proud of her and she's amazing inside and out. she has the biggest heart and i know she will eventually be an amazing nurse. nurse bffl boybe! haha. she has been in cali for a month and i havent seen her inlike 2 months. not cool. im so used to seeing her like everyday when i lived in jax. but anyways...im really glad i got to talk to her and i hope i get to see her soon. but...we were talking about something last night. not going into details but i wish that i wasnt curious about certain things. i asked her to read something about someone and i didnt like what i heard. im like...oooo i want to know. i don't care what it says. im just curious. well...curiosity sucks. even tho i kept wondering about it...it would have been 100% better if i didnt know! and when people say they dont care...of course they care a little bit. whatever...only makes me stronger. and...one thing that helps u get stronger is FOOD! haha. so....im going to stuff my face or maybe try to sleep but i prob cant bc the construction workers are still pounding away ( a house is getting built next door). i could not have that job esp in florida...soooo freaking hot and very demanding on ur body.
ps. listen to this song...king of anything by sara bareilles. very good :)
A lot has happened the last 2 weeks. well...i can't remember if i started this blog before or after my jax trip. oh well. i went to jacksonville 2 weekends ago. i miss it oh so much. im not really missing the city (although i do like jax) but im missing the people. i actually went to see my bff graduate from college!!! im so proud of her. she made the nursing honor society AND she got the highest honors in COLLEGE! thats amazing! :) But, it was a very fun weekend. we went to one of my friend's lake house and hung out there for the afternoon then drove back to jax to go to this bar downtown. on the way to jax (bc the lake house is an hour away) i knocked out...prob shouldnt of had the last few shots. lol. BUT...apparently when i was sleeping...one of my friends THREW UP in my car!!! yes...threw up! im like...damn...u cant roll the window down or something OR tell us to pull over. haha. its all good tho but i didnt know about it till the morning after when i saw the remains on the side of my door :( I also got to see my bff Amanda on the way back to tampa. i stopped by daytona and caught up. we ate at this amazing sushi place...edemames (spl). OMG...soooo freaking good. Amanda has a food blog...if anyone is reading this...u should follow her. it was very good seeing her and her fiance for the afternoon and of course stuffing my face!!! haha
so...my week pretty much consists of work. and i honestly can say that i love my job!!! :D but...trust me...it is NOT easy! I bust my ass everyday. running around like a mad women. Im still orienting and next week will be my last week. This week was really really busy tho. apparently there was a code on monday and i wasnt working!! my co-workers were telling me about it. OMG...i have never experienced a code and I hope i never have to. its sooo scary. the day i worked...we had to call rapid response and that was scary! rapid response is called if there is a change in a person's condition. like they try to get to the pt before he codes or prevent their condition from getting worse. all u see is people running from every direction. its crazy. the team goes into the room. i was watching and was asked to get supplies. they asked me to get electrodes for the EKG machine and im like...AHH I DONT KNOW WHERE THAT IS!!!! so...im running around asking people where they are...trying to find them as quick as i can. i finally found them tho. BUT...so crazy! if it was my pt. i would have freaked out! lord...please please don't let me experience a code. i know that i will eventually. its part of the job but i can hope. lol.
thats the crazy thing about being in the medical field. you have people's lives in your hands and that is scary. you have to be careful and constantly question yourself. at times you have to make split second decisions and sometimes u just don't know what to do but u have to make the decisions anyway. i think that kind of responsibility is terrifying. you could kill someone like that. thats why i ask like a million questions at work. i dont care if people get annoyed. i would rather have someone be annoyed than me killing someone. but...i am really glad that my first job is at the job i have now. the staff including the doctors are awesome! they are willing to help me 100%. my preceptor is great too. she goes above and beyond to make sure i learn everything. within just 3 weeks of working there...i am more comfortable with the job and im getting a routine down. just think...in one year...i'll be an expert. HAHA. not exactly but i'll be that much better :)
last night at work was crazy..more crazy than usual. i had 6 patients plus a discharge and a new admission. the admission didn't come till almost 6 and theres so much paperwork involved and the hardest part is the freaking computer system and trying to figure out how to use it. but...i didn't get to chart all day so i was at work charting after my admission till 1030. a long 15 and a half hours of work...lovely! if we could just take care of the patients and minus the charting...i would be so much happier. but...my computer decided to break last night in the middle of my documentation and then i got locked out of the computer. so...i had to call the IT people and they unlocked me but then my computer froze and i had to switch and start my charting on that one patient all over again. i hate computers!!! lol. but on a good note...one of my patients wanted to tell my supervisor that she thought the care i gave her was great and that i was going to be an amazing nurse!!! :))))) i was like beaming inside! it made me feel really good and this is why i love my job bc of the people who appreciate you. and the people who don't show their appreciation so much (which are some pts)....u just gotta think about it this way. even if you are annoyed...just think about what they are going through. they are sick in a hospital bed all day, not being able to sleep bc of all the monitors and hospital noises, terrible hospital food (although i do love hospital food for some reason haha), and not being able to see their loved ones all the time and living their normal everyday life. i would be grumpy sometimes too. im not saying thats an excuse but if you think of it like that...it kinda helps u deal with them.
something that does bother me tho about being in the medical field is the politics. like...if you have money or ur high in the ranks...u get VIP treatment. not saying this happened on my floor but it happens all the time. i dont think its fair. i try to give each one of my patients VIP treatment. i mean...money should not designate the quality of your care. its not fair but it happens all the time. not just with the medical field but in every job. i love this show...royal pains. the main doctor on there got fired from his hospital job bc he thought that a teenager was in a worse state than the CEO of the hospital so he decided to help the teenager first and unfortunately the CEO died so the doctor got fired. see...thats not fair. in the ER...thats what ur suppose to do...triage the patients. well...politics gets in the way of that. politics gets in the way of everything. thats why i try to stay out of all that. i just do what im suppose to do...im not kissing anyone's butts. lol.
so...last night i finally got to talk to my bffl lesley. i love this girl so much! no homo! haha. no...she's the best friend anyone could ever ask for. im so proud of her and she's amazing inside and out. she has the biggest heart and i know she will eventually be an amazing nurse. nurse bffl boybe! haha. she has been in cali for a month and i havent seen her inlike 2 months. not cool. im so used to seeing her like everyday when i lived in jax. but anyways...im really glad i got to talk to her and i hope i get to see her soon. but...we were talking about something last night. not going into details but i wish that i wasnt curious about certain things. i asked her to read something about someone and i didnt like what i heard. im like...oooo i want to know. i don't care what it says. im just curious. well...curiosity sucks. even tho i kept wondering about it...it would have been 100% better if i didnt know! and when people say they dont care...of course they care a little bit. whatever...only makes me stronger. and...one thing that helps u get stronger is FOOD! haha. so....im going to stuff my face or maybe try to sleep but i prob cant bc the construction workers are still pounding away ( a house is getting built next door). i could not have that job esp in florida...soooo freaking hot and very demanding on ur body.
ps. listen to this song...king of anything by sara bareilles. very good :)
Sunday, August 8, 2010
the beginning
Okay...so I've never blogged in my life. I actually thought blogging was kinda pointless, but here I am blogging. haha. I'm not exactly sure why because i highly doubt anyone is going to read this. I just want to blab about whatever I feel like blabbing about. you know how you blab to ur friends about the same thing all the time and they get kinda annoyed. well...not annoyed but they start caring less and less about ur complaints/blabble. idk...its prob just me my worrying self that thinks that.
So...I graduated college in April with my bachelor degree in nursing. Moved back with my parents, got dumped, and now I have an amazing nursing job. lol. Everything pretty much perfect minus the getting dumped part and not knowing anyone where I live now. My parents just moved to Bradenton, Fl so I know no one and everyone at my job is pretty much old. Not like 30 or 40 old but more like 50...maybe 80 old. haha. maybe im exaggerating on the 80 but they're older. nothing wrong with that though bc they are all super nice and they have taught me so so much in the past 3 weeks. but basically...i know no one which kinda sucks bc i like to socialize. probably why im making a blog bc i have nothing else to do with my spare time. lol. so...anyways...i love my job! i absolutely love being a nurse and getting to know my patients and seeing them get better :) Its like a sense of accomplishment. i just feel good about myself and if i can just make them smile and feel a little better...then that makes me happy. prob sounds corny but its true. i cant explain it. nurses have really bad conditions sometimes...12 hr shifts, on your feet all day, stressed, running around, bending, lifting, no lunch breaks or sometimes no breaks period, putting up with grumpy doctors, etc... but all that is worth it to me to see my patients happy and feeling better.
So...about the getting dumped part. lol. Yepp...got dumped by the same person twice. kinda sucks bc its like...what the hell is wrong with me. but...even tho i may not believe it 100% yet...I know that its better off. We were very different people even if I didnt want to believe it. But...i do think that getting dumped has contributed to what im feeling now a days. I just feel like im missing something. like...i want to do so much with my life. I really want to travel and explore different cultures and I even would want to help out 3rd world countries as a nurse. Just so much that I can do but Im not doing. Of course I need nursing experience which sucks bc im so impatient and want to do all this exploring now. But, I have to wait at least a year to get experience under my belt. then i can go out and do what i want to do. But for now...im so blahhh. dont get me wrong...i love my parents and am really close to them and love staying with them. but...i wish i could just meet people here. but...im so shy. my friends dont believe me but i am at first until i get to know people. so...im going to try the whole taking risks thing and just doing it. we'll see how that goes. haha.
okay...i cant stay up any longer. haha. two 12 hour shifts in a row will do that to you. :/
nighty night :)
So...I graduated college in April with my bachelor degree in nursing. Moved back with my parents, got dumped, and now I have an amazing nursing job. lol. Everything pretty much perfect minus the getting dumped part and not knowing anyone where I live now. My parents just moved to Bradenton, Fl so I know no one and everyone at my job is pretty much old. Not like 30 or 40 old but more like 50...maybe 80 old. haha. maybe im exaggerating on the 80 but they're older. nothing wrong with that though bc they are all super nice and they have taught me so so much in the past 3 weeks. but basically...i know no one which kinda sucks bc i like to socialize. probably why im making a blog bc i have nothing else to do with my spare time. lol. so...anyways...i love my job! i absolutely love being a nurse and getting to know my patients and seeing them get better :) Its like a sense of accomplishment. i just feel good about myself and if i can just make them smile and feel a little better...then that makes me happy. prob sounds corny but its true. i cant explain it. nurses have really bad conditions sometimes...12 hr shifts, on your feet all day, stressed, running around, bending, lifting, no lunch breaks or sometimes no breaks period, putting up with grumpy doctors, etc... but all that is worth it to me to see my patients happy and feeling better.
So...about the getting dumped part. lol. Yepp...got dumped by the same person twice. kinda sucks bc its like...what the hell is wrong with me. but...even tho i may not believe it 100% yet...I know that its better off. We were very different people even if I didnt want to believe it. But...i do think that getting dumped has contributed to what im feeling now a days. I just feel like im missing something. like...i want to do so much with my life. I really want to travel and explore different cultures and I even would want to help out 3rd world countries as a nurse. Just so much that I can do but Im not doing. Of course I need nursing experience which sucks bc im so impatient and want to do all this exploring now. But, I have to wait at least a year to get experience under my belt. then i can go out and do what i want to do. But for now...im so blahhh. dont get me wrong...i love my parents and am really close to them and love staying with them. but...i wish i could just meet people here. but...im so shy. my friends dont believe me but i am at first until i get to know people. so...im going to try the whole taking risks thing and just doing it. we'll see how that goes. haha.
okay...i cant stay up any longer. haha. two 12 hour shifts in a row will do that to you. :/
nighty night :)
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